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Today I received feedback about my essay draft. I was given notes about how I could improve my writing grammatically, and what I should cut from my essay and also help with the structure. We also talked about changing the title so that it relates more to the body of the essay. 

I agree with the feedback given to me and some of what I had written didn’t make sense when I read it back. I will be adding more quotes as I have done more research and so this will also help to back up some of my statements. 

The main points given to me to improve it were: 

  • Talk more confidently to make it come across that I know what I am trying to tell the reader
  • Focus the title more on the medium than the illustrations
  • Make it clearer when it comes to making the experience of each medium
  • Pay more attention to my use of language, and make it more formal. 
  • Add a brief introduction to Convergence culture and explain who/ what/ when I will be focusing on
  • Add images 
  • Keep it focuses on the analysis and add description 
  • Brush over the different ways of learning and how mediums can relate to this
  • Touch upon what culture is, as it is such a broadly used term; differentiate what context I will be using it in 

I will be using the given feedback to improve my essay and also adding more critical analysis. 

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